December 3, 2008


Marriage is the union of two souls is progress. It may seem that this is a blog for women as men tend to have less challenge with the sexual side of things. This blog exists, however, as a tool for both. Great information rests in this topic for the husband and the wife, and as we explore from post to post we'll begin to identify the importance and value of both lives in one.

The first man and woman on this earth received commandments- together- which were given in Genesis, chapter 1. In verse 28, Adam and Eve were commanded to "be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth." Next to the word "earth" there is a little letter "d". In the foot notes of this verse it says: "Earth, purpose of." To multiply and have children is one purpose of the earth but that comes because of sharing the most deep of all love- first. It comes because of being one. Does that then mean that being one is also entwined in the earth's purpose?

The answer... is yes.

The earth was created to share this connection and, in turn, experience creation with the Divine. It is the most powerful and Godlike ability. Isn't then, the WAY we create equally important? Would he leave the creation process for naught or- is there deep significance in his design? Could this be why he created it to be a pleasant experience also? Because it meant so much? Even off the charts amazing!? It doesn't seem to be a coincidence to me that the most miraculous event was also combined with the most miraculous of physical pleasure. The two go hand in hand.

Wait... what isn't...well..."miraculous"?


So, I mentioned before I will not share details of my marriage but I will share experiences from my marriage that may help us all to learn. With approval and encouragement from my good husband, I offer a moment of our learning. It came during our honeymoon, and before you reach down to turn off your computer, let me tell you where it also came from... the scriptures.

I have a FERVENT testimony that EVERY answer to EVERY question ever placed in our lives can be answered through the words of Christ. I promise that in the scriptures there is pure and clear truth for each circumstance on earth, and for every child of God...even little me. When I married Mr. Napes, I had taken my parents advice about saving their kind of love. I was thrilled to be his wife and thrilled to "be married", and could not have loved anyone MORE! Of the two of us, I had a pretty good education of what our love could bring. Mr. Napes, however, was...let's say....discouraged after we got married. Happy yes, but simply put- he was aware that being one was a very different experience for the both of us, and this was bothersome to him. He wanted his wife to be happy. Now, I started this paragraph out by testifying of answers to all of our inquiries in the scriptures and this was no exception to that truth.

We began to study the scriptures- looking for the answer to those physical differences. Why it was so great for men, and not always that great for women.

In Genesis chapter 3 something struck our attention. As the story of Adam and Eve was progressing and this couple found themselves in some trouble with their Father...consequences were inevitable. They had consciously offended him. There was no turning back as they had openly chosen to rebel. In verse 16 Heavenly Father begins to to lay it all out:

"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be toward thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Conception...this struck me. I knew what that meant. It meant sex. To conceive meant sex. Sorrow in conception? I looked at the foot notes:

"Marriage, motherhood.
increase thy discomfort and thy size (i.e. in the condition and process of pregnancy).

Soooo because Eve took the fruit first....this was her challenge....or my challenge. Discomfort in intimacy (and 4 hard pregnancy's that came later). Adam- well he was told that he would work by the sweat of his brow all the days of his life, amongst other things. My heart began to pound. It was suppose to be this way. Mr. Napes wasn't put at ease just yet though. Ok. so we had discovered the whys but...

"Don't you see though, babe. Pregnancy is temporary. Bringing forth children is temporary. My situation is, or can be temporary. It CAN be changed. Women must truly be loved by our father- as their challenge is not eternal. The lack of pleasure can be replaced. It will improve as "my desire shall be toward my husband." I think I know what we can pray for. We can pray for patience while things are so new, but we can also ask him to help us and remove the barriers we face."

And so, on our honeymoon, we began to pray. I realize this isn't typical, but in Mormon chapter 9 verse 21 it says, "Behold I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth."

We were specific in our prayers- that our experiences would change and that my husband and I could "share" the physical joy in being one, God's will permitting. That we sought out his love and his words, probably secured for our marriage blessings that were ours to start. To share carefully on this blog...our lives changed dramatically by the end of that week and have remained changed over the beautiful years of marriage. We do not have a perfect relationship by any stretch of the imagination and work very hard but, I get emotional even remembering this gift. I get emotional at the goodness and mercy that he offered us- that he offers everyone if they but "come unto Christ."

People have asked me a time or two how I can claim that I know the gospel is true. This story is one of hundreds of moments when a loving and tender mercy has been extended to me which has, as a hot brand to my heart, sealed me his.

I am hopeful the message I share is clear. Faith, prayer, and scripture are the beginning of a happy and healthy sexual life. There is much more to "learn" but without this foundation we are on our own. The rest of the world may seem to have success in sex. They may even succeed in their physical right and their bodies may respond. BUT with faith, prayer, and scripture...our intimate lives can be successful and FAR beyond! We can experience the intensity and love that is available to us in ways that words cannot describe and our relationships will be iron clad with joy and depth.

Of this I am living proof- and I am not special.


  1. Beautiful post. Why is it that women feel they must wait for their husbands to initiate scripture study, prayer, etc. I find that my desires come across as nagging, and that I finally have to tell myself that I must be the "religious initiator". Is this normal?

    I loved the perspective of pregnancy and childbirth (which are trials) as a temporary issue. Great perspective, thank you.

  2. I read your post because - I'll be honest - I need help in this department.

    I just struggle with the answer that you found in the scriptures because, while I believe that there are answers "everything" in the scriptures, it is confusing. There are also contradictions to just about everything in the scriptures. In this case, the contradiction lies in the 2nd Article of Faith: "We believe that men (and women) are punished for their own sins, and not for Adam (and Eve's) transgression." Why, then, are we being punished? It doesn't make sense.

  3. Great post Amy. Glad you shared your story.
    I wanted to comment on when you stated "The rest of the world may seem to have success in sex."
    Just wanted to point out that you ALWAYS need to remember that chances are, you are not the only one in your situation. If you are struggling, there is usually someone out there struggling through the same thing.
    And if you can't believe there is another mortal being on this earth that has ever gone through a trial like yours, then you MUST remember REMEMBER that our Savior, Jesus Christ suffered for YOU. He experienced every bit of your sorrow and frustration. And yes......even for trials involving intimacy. Might be awkward for some to think about. But true, nonetheless.
    If we but humble ourselves and take this to Him, as stated in the scripture you quoted, we WILL be blessed with answers.

  4. I LOVE that you have shared you amazing thoughts with me. First there was a post I did not publish that was sent to me and this was only because I am still trying to figure out the moderation part of posting comments. I am sorry for the comment that I lost in the process. If you are reading this and were the one who sent your thoughts my way, I hope you can forgive me and send it again.

    Second...I am happy that questions are coming and am reminded once again that I am not an expert. I certainly do not have all of the answers and am hopeful that this does not bring frusteration but may open opportunities for anyone interested to research and seek answers from on high. I am enlightened by the last comment and would like to share some thought. First, I thank you for helping me to realize that I must change the wording in my post about Eve from "consequence" to "challenge". We are certainly not punished for Adam or Eve's transgressions. Looking at the context of the article of faith, we learn that it is speaking about our eternal progression. In many religions- docterine is taught that because Adam fell we are born in sin. This is why many churches baptize infants-to remove their sin from birth. We know this is not the case and the article of faith helps us to know that we are all given the chance to choose and to progress on and of our own free will. In my post I didn't want to indicate that we are being punished for eve's sin but that there are challenges for us all now because of it. When they left the garden, there were then weeds and the earth didn't produce food at ease and there remained hard work for all that come here. Struggles, pains, and heartache exist in this world now. We all experience these things. That is apart of the test. One of the challenges we as women face are contractions in delivery and pain in other ways. The beauty about it being a "challenge" unlike a consequence, is that it can be overcome. Just like we can pull weeds and grow a BEAUTIFUL garden, we can also over come the challenges and pain faced in sexual intimacy. It does require work as does tilling the ground because that is what life offers. The hope is that there are answers, and by learning all we can about our bodies (the hows and whys) and communication with our spouces and PRACTICE :) the Lord will provide progress. It may take time as our father will give as he sees fit. I love that you are helping me as well. Thank you.

  5. The comment lost that I was referring to was the woman with the patient husband... :)

    To the first comment on this post- I asked my husband his advice about your question (as I do with all comments) and he laughed and told me it is "So normal". We also have crossed that bridge many times. I know as mothers we are the nurturers and I often feel that I am looking at day to day events through "eternal glasses." As Mr. Napes and I joke...we say that often times he looks at the hood of the car while driving (so to speak) and I look down the road to make sure we don't crash. The "nagging" part I've mastered. Surely these comments will help us along as well.

    I have noticed that when I pray for my husband out loud- as a couple, for his work and stresses and well being and happiness- when he hears me talk about him to our father with tenderness and love- we are in a fresh place to start again. He feels supported and genuinly cared for, and this is when our family has a bit more success. In my personal prayers I seek patience and inspiration. Usually the gentle answers for me are to lead by example and not with words. A challenge many of us may face.

    How wonderful that we have families to grow with each day. Laugh laugh laugh...pray pray pray...and eat chocolate :) At least this may help in time.

  6. Beautiful Nay! And key word in my post is "seems".

    I love that we are writing this together. All of the people reading are helping to teach as well.

  7. I think men DO have more struggles with sex as a sin. Tons of things to list including (but not limited to) controlling their drives, pleasing their wife, teaching their children, succumbing to pornography, etc etc etc etc. I think Satan's MAIN targets (sexually) ARE men. They have it way tougher!