August 16, 2009

Moving Forward

A while ago, Mr. Napes shared something significant he had observed in our relationship. He pointed out that in the past, he hadn't really connected each of our intimate experiences to the next one that would follow. Subconsciously, for him, each experience was independent- with no relation to another. If we shared love one wouldn't continue to roll over to the next day. It was what it was- separate and unconnected. A great moment- perhaps. He said he felt closer to me because of our intimacy, but wouldn't take that closeness with him beyond our moment. If we would then connect a few days later, it would remain it's own event- never really flowing or molding together.

For me, however, it couldn't have been more opposite. In my mind and heart, it was all related. When Mr. Napes and I would express our feelings of loyalty and love, those rich and powerful moments carried us forward into the future until we would connect again. It would sustain me and would create a balance in our home. I knew I was taken care of because we were connected. Like the moving floor escalators at the sexual experience would take me to the next experience and so forth.

But this created some struggle between us.

I would leave our love making stronger and more full filled. I would look at him with new eyes the next day and would flirt my way around him. He, however, had moved on to other things- work, church callings, and so forth. What a painful time of life this was. I felt a bit overlooked and under appreciated. I felt alone and unconnected to him, and it then made the next sexual experience tense. I would not enjoy him because my feelings were hurt. He felt like a stranger to me from time to time.

Now, because our moments of intimacy rolled over from one to another (for me)... those feelings of tension would also present them selves the next day. If we had a night that was not that great, our relationship would annoy me. Oh, we have all had those moments when the stars are not aligned, haven't we? You know what I'm talking about don't you? Those intimate experiences when everything is off? When you'd rather be sleeping because it really wasn't working for you? Those nights that bring frustration more than connection. When you lay there listening to your spouse snore and you wonder how you got there?

But thankfully, over time and through these complications, Mr. Napes and I have discovered a few beautiful things about our relationship. Number 1: we are FAR from perfect. Number 2: there is NO relationship that is just like the movies and number 3: there will, in fact, be awkward nights. But we have also discovered a few other things as well. I can work on letting go of those discouraging times sooner and move forward to the better ones. If we have a weird intimate what? Move on Napes- let er' go. It happens to the best of all couples. It is about learning together and growing together and laughing it off without personal offense. He is learning to link our good times. To build upon our closeness and carry those moments that are great to the next day~ the next conversation. He is learning to open his whole heart and take those incredible times with him to work, to church, to our kids, to everyday life that needs that strength that only our love can create. Together.

If I am letting go of the hard, and he is clinging to the fantastic...we are moving forward.
Little by little, we are moving forward...and this is what it's all about.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Napes- I loved one of your last statements in this post.. "If I am letting go of the hard, and he is clinging to the fantastic... we are moving forward."

    Just thought I would point how this struck me today. This statement can be applicable when trying to 'fix' many different non-intamacy related issues in our relationships. Not only with husbands, but with friends and family as well. Thank you. I needed a reminder to cling cling cling, baby! :o)