September 10, 2009

The question...

From my last post "A delicate subject", I received a sincere question about the nature of the topic. Click Clan, I tried to answer your question as directly and responsibly as possible and posted my comment in return. BUT... my comment was too long -according to Blogger- and I was unable to leave it for you. I feel that your question was an important one, and so with great thought, I have posted my response here instead. Let this be a clear warning that the dialog is direct. For the sensitive reader, you may wish to stop now. I hope it is helpful to more than just the brave woman asking. I'll take that chance as I have been asked this question many times before which is:

"So, if I may can you achieve all three of these orgasms? I have always been able to achieve the first orgasm...but not necessarily the other two.

I have decided to use this question to further my thoughts on orgasm. However,
instead of answering "how" to attain all 3 of these, I feel it best to let each marriage go where it needs to go in the discovery of that answer. Working together to create these experiences will provide ample room for discovery. Every relationship, every body, is different. To claim I can offer detail for your body would be unrealistic...unfair even. Reminding everyone that I am not an expert, however, I do have a few thoughts to offer. First, it is important to know that ANY orgasm starts in the mind. It is not possible to achieve any of the three options unless our minds are focused on sexual things themselves. In fact, doctors have mentioned there are actually four orgasms...the fourth being mental. If we are focused on the dishes or who we need to call back, we won't orgasm at all. It isn't possible to attain the full experience without allowing our thoughts to focus in the moment on what is happening- or about to happen. This is scientifically proven. But this idea can be difficult for many women. Some think that having sexual thoughts are wrong. Therefore, they push back any intimate thinking... never able to release and experience the beautiful purpose in our coming together.

To shed some light on this thought, may I offer some insight? Sexual thoughts and images in our mind are wrong IF they are about anyone other than our spouse. This is a bold statement- but one that I stand by. When we flirt with images of anyone other than our own husbands, (or wives) it becomes spiritual infidelity. We walk away from a sexual encounter farther from our spouse and less dedicated to the marriage. More importantly, our Heavenly Father can not protect and nourish our relationship. We won't be more united because this isn't his design. Sexual thoughts ARE his design when used appropriately for the one we chose to marry. When we get married, we join in a sexual contract (see the post "Paul's Help"). We are free then, to think about- talk about- learn about- practice- and enhance our sexual lives together. Our thoughts follow suit. When we take our thoughts down the intimacy path during sex (our spouse in mind) we have taken the FIRST step to orgasm. It is important and healthy to focus our minds during sex on sex itself. Limits pending.

Next, I feel it important to describe the differences between each orgasm so those who may have experienced it will know, and those desiring to can focus on what is happening to their bodies. A clitoral orgasm happens through a very special body part created ONLY for pleasure. It is the clitoris which is the size of a pea and is located above the vagina. It is external and is the location of thousands of nerve endings- created for sexual joy. It is the only body part of a woman designed purely for pleasure. This is such an important part of the female body that sadly, in countries that desecrate women, there is a female castration ceremony in which young girls (8 and 9) have the clitoris removed- and in the most cruel way. A practice I abhor and in my wildest dreams, would put an end to someday. The clitoris is a gift- one that openly shows God's love for his daughters, as he wants us to have true happiness in our marriages. A clitoral orgasm happens when there is direct contact with the clitoris. The sensation through this orgasm is limited to that area. It is the most easy to achieve as there is a specific and direct place to focus. It is the most common.

The vaginal orgasm is internal. It is much more complex but is also a much deeper orgasm- more full filling, as some have said. It's affects last longer and can spread through the whole body. It is the "cleanser" of the two. Study and research have proven this orgasm to occur most frequently when passion and "foreplay" (or sexual build) have stimulated the body to natural secretion. When a woman's body has created a natural lubricant, it is more prepared for a vaginal orgasm. When the "heat" has been turned up.

In this case, there is a particular spot deep into the vagina (or the farthest part inside) prepared for and awaiting contact during intercourse. If contacted- a vaginal orgasm can occur. Again, not every time, perhaps because of medical circumstance or just plain distraction, but it is available.

A blended orgasm then, is BOTH occurring at the same time. Yes- it can happen and is, by far, the most challenging to achieve, but once again, gives room for growth as we discover what works best in each of our circumstances.

If you are still reading this, my guess is you are not offended with the content. I hope that the information here has been received respectfully. I have tried ever so carefully to express answers in a gentle and reverent manner, which can be challenging to do. I never get red in the face with this sacred subject, so forgive me if I have made anyone uncomfortable in any way. Like I have said before: knowledge = hope, and this is not a taboo topic. It is amazing and miraculous, when shared with respect.

I send my best to those who are trying to learn more and am grateful for your reading this at all.


  1. Very well done. Such a fine line to walk, eh? If I may add, in the interest of helping someone else who is having difficulties in this area, that the most *ahem* satisfying position I'm aware of is the husband on top, stimulating the clitoris with his hand. Kind of tricky, but possible. Thanks again.

  2. I'm glad that you addressed the topic of orgasm, because it is probably one of the most frustrating, and (as mentioned previously) pleasurable parts of sexual intimacy. My husband and I had such frustrations with female orgasm. Like so many other things, practice is key! Something that took us a while to figure out was that it was possible for me to climax even after my husband had. Maybe that's common knowledge, but it wasn't common knowledge for us!

  3. I love this as well. During pregnancy I have a more difficult time enjoying sex because even if I have a great organism I still feel afterwards that nothing happened and there is a bunch of pressure-I've read about it and found that it happens because of extra blood in that area of my body and not being moved away as orgasms usually provide that relief. So I’ve found that if we have sex at night, it’s not as bad because I can just go to sleep and by morning it’s gone-I still have the mental worry and not to mention I keep growing in size which is testing my abilities to try different positions. Any suggestions?